Tale of PLHIV Confidant

Assalamualaikum.. Its 2.00 am in the morning.. My phone gallery is putting highlights picture.. Its hawkeye picture with his new hair.. That one was on April 2019.. He was having hair loss issue which ive advise him to check his shampoo or maybe he ia thinking too much.. He said he just switch to a demm pricey shampoo.. The initial one was elsives.. He show me the shampoo and it was RM100++.. I told him jokingly that i just use pantene only.. Cheap shampoo.. 🤣 But, his hair loss issue at that time was very worying.. He often scratch his head and his hair will falls and at times he can see strand of hair in his hand after scratching.. I always scolded him for scratching his head, but at times he becomes agitated.. He bluntly scold me back.. But i know he didnt mean it.. He always say that my husnuzon is at another level.. I prefer husnuzon than thinking of anything worst.. I will end up emotionally drained as i will kept thinking and thinking.. Anything that he says at times wo...

Assalamualaikum... Going back home by train today.. And my mind keeps playing good time together with hawkeye.. Dosent realize tears falling down my cheek... You might think i am so into him.. The fact is he is my bff and he is there everytime i need him without failed.. The reason why i feel so demmm helpless is the fact that i cant help him.. The way friend need.. I know he need support, he is a very strong will person.. Very stubborn.. But yet he have a soft spot in his heart which he doesent want anyone to know.. I talked to my ghost hug, dr strange.. I want to know her opinion and her point of view since i cant get it from him.. I cant be asking him as it is a very sensitive matter.. But i want to understand him.. His feelings and hia fears.. And here it is... Ok fine.. I do pity him.. It is 5% what it is now.. But 95% of it is genuinely a very heavy concern feeling as a friend.. He is alone.. No one knows.. His struggle with his inner self.. Thinking all sorts of ...

Assalamualaikum.. Good morning everyone.. Hawkeye have gone back to his hometown.. Yep, raya is coming soon and he got akikah as well for his beloved niece.. Me? Usually i dont take raya haji leave.. Working in a team which most of us are muslims requires some give and take.. So lets the others go for leave.. My hometown is nearby only.. Its ok.. Distant.. It have been 2 months since me and hawkeye not in texting term.. But we do see each other in the office.. He usually dosent start conversations.. Ill be the one asking him if he had his breakie or lunch.. He sometimes warmth, sometimes cold.. Sometimes when i look into those eyes, i can see the sorrow.. I wouldnt dare to ask him, if he is ok or not.. If he have taken his medications and all.. I dont want him to hate me since he had said before he hates people asking about his health condition.. I never see him differently since i know his health issue.. Ok lah, the concern part is a bit heavy.. But, i believe it is normal for...

Confrontation... For me is a form of honesty which I always do and I appreciate people who do it to me. For me, honesty is the very important element in a relationship be it husband and wife, lovers or friendship.. Yep, I have confronted him.. it is not face to face by the way.. I texted him.. I know it was so sudden, but I just cant take it to see his sad face.. he might not realizing that he showing the face to me, but a s a BFF is can see his sorrow even he hide it under his joker mask.. He is having illness and i cant help him, and I am so shattered. I hope you are well, eat your medication and stronger day by day.. Let me be honest with you.. I dont expect any answers from you.. I just need honesty from you.. I tell him that I have been observing him and I am very certain that he is having HIV+.. He have told me all the side effects of his HAART medication without realizing (I believe). All the nightmares, insomnia, anxiety, depression, the rashes, that blue pill and h...

Continued from last entry... I found a flyer under his desk.. We are working that day and he sat next to me.. Flyer fall out from his bag.. I take it and i open it just out of curiosity.. The first word i see is HAART.. i dont know what is that stands for.. As i read it is sone sort of medication or theraphy.. It didnt say anywhere in the flyer about hiv.. While reading, he snatch the flyer from me.. Looking panic and i started asking him.. Him : mana ko dapat ni? Me : kertas ni terkeluar dr beg ko la smalam.. Beg tak zip kan. Aku tgk la.. What is that Hawkeye? Him : nothing it is about my medication. Me : HAART? medication ape meh? Him : untuk hati. Haart kan? (he is a terrible liar) Me : ye ke? Him : iye.. (while he keep the paper inside his bag) I didnt probe further afterwards as i dont like to push him.. we continue do our work.. He finished his shift earlier than me, so he go back first.. While waiting for my train, i google the word HAART.. To my shocked it ...

Assalamualaikum and good morning... Alrighty in this entry ill share with you how i know hawkeye is plhiv.. First and formost, again i'm stressing this.. I am straight normal blackwidow and i dont give a damn to other person sexuality.. For me, i am not in any postion to condemm, classing people or judge people on their sexuality or how they want to go through their life... It is their own choice and i believe they are grown enough mature enough and smart enough to live their own life.. Thus, ill appreciate no judgement towards my choice to be Hawkeye's confidant and Hawkeye's way of life before.. It dosent matter as past is past.. We cant press rewind button to go back time.. The most important thing is now and the future.. Like Hawkeye once said, no point of regretting anything now.. At first at knowing him, he is a guy with a serious looking face and eyes.. Itu mata jarum juga ada taruk.. Yes, very piercing stare... But he is funny, crazy and mischievous inside.. W...

Assalamualaikum... Yes, that is right.. I am a confidant for my dear Best Friend Till Death Tear Us Apart (BFFTDTUA) who is a PLHIV and a PLU as well... What makes me start the blog is to record everything memories that I have with my best friend, his journey as PLHIV (secretly) from my point of view (also secretly) and my journey to support him (secretly at this moment) through his journey as PLHIV. OK, you might have BIG Q in your head, what with this SECRET word.. TBH, hawkeye didnt know that I know he is PLHIV.. He also got no idea that I know he is PLU... I am not PLU, I am straight.. but i am not in position to judge anyone of their sexuality.. it is not my job, it is Allah's job.. I am one of the luckiest person on earth for having him as my confidant.. he always makes me smile, makes my day and provide the best tips (and sarcasm) whenever i need it... Thank you Allah for lending me such a great guy as my BFFTDTUA.. I am not sure what he takes me for, but it dosent m...