Tale of PLHIV Confidant

Assalamualaikum.. Its 2.00 am in the morning.. My phone gallery is putting highlights picture.. Its hawkeye picture with his new hair.. That one was on April 2019.. He was having hair loss issue which ive advise him to check his shampoo or maybe he ia thinking too much.. He said he just switch to a demm pricey shampoo.. The initial one was elsives.. He show me the shampoo and it was RM100++.. I told him jokingly that i just use pantene only.. Cheap shampoo.. 🤣 But, his hair loss issue at that time was very worying.. He often scratch his head and his hair will falls and at times he can see strand of hair in his hand after scratching.. I always scolded him for scratching his head, but at times he becomes agitated.. He bluntly scold me back.. But i know he didnt mean it.. He always say that my husnuzon is at another level.. I prefer husnuzon than thinking of anything worst.. I will end up emotionally drained as i will kept thinking and thinking.. Anything that he says at times wo

Assalamualaikum... Going back home by train today.. And my mind keeps playing good time together with hawkeye.. Dosent realize tears falling down my cheek... You might think i am so into him.. The fact is he is my bff and he is there everytime i need him without failed.. The reason why i feel so demmm helpless is the fact that i cant help him.. The way friend need.. I know he need support, he is a very strong will person.. Very stubborn.. But yet he have a soft spot in his heart which he doesent want anyone to know.. I talked to my ghost hug, dr strange.. I want to know her opinion and her point of view since i cant get it from him.. I cant be asking him as it is a very sensitive matter.. But i want to understand him.. His feelings and hia fears.. And here it is... Ok fine.. I do pity him.. It is 5% what it is now.. But 95% of it is genuinely a very heavy concern feeling as a friend.. He is alone.. No one knows.. His struggle with his inner self.. Thinking all sorts of

Assalamualaikum.. Good morning everyone.. Hawkeye have gone back to his hometown.. Yep, raya is coming soon and he got akikah as well for his beloved niece.. Me? Usually i dont take raya haji leave.. Working in a team which most of us are muslims requires some give and take.. So lets the others go for leave.. My hometown is nearby only.. Its ok.. Distant.. It have been 2 months since me and hawkeye not in texting term.. But we do see each other in the office.. He usually dosent start conversations.. Ill be the one asking him if he had his breakie or lunch.. He sometimes warmth, sometimes cold.. Sometimes when i look into those eyes, i can see the sorrow.. I wouldnt dare to ask him, if he is ok or not.. If he have taken his medications and all.. I dont want him to hate me since he had said before he hates people asking about his health condition.. I never see him differently since i know his health issue.. Ok lah, the concern part is a bit heavy.. But, i believe it is normal for

Confrontation... For me is a form of honesty which I always do and I appreciate people who do it to me. For me, honesty is the very important element in a relationship be it husband and wife, lovers or friendship.. Yep, I have confronted him.. it is not face to face by the way.. I texted him.. I know it was so sudden, but I just cant take it to see his sad face.. he might not realizing that he showing the face to me, but a s a BFF is can see his sorrow even he hide it under his joker mask.. He is having illness and i cant help him, and I am so shattered. I hope you are well, eat your medication and stronger day by day.. Let me be honest with you.. I dont expect any answers from you.. I just need honesty from you.. I tell him that I have been observing him and I am very certain that he is having HIV+.. He have told me all the side effects of his HAART medication without realizing (I believe). All the nightmares, insomnia, anxiety, depression, the rashes, that blue pill and h